How Far Have Women Evolved?

Women are dominating the headlines these days. From Casey Anthony’s murder trial (which, if she’s convicted, could possibly become only the fourth woman in Florida’s history to receive the death penalty, putting her in the same category as Aileen Wournos) to Sarah Palin to the women at the heart of the Rep. Anthony Weiner scandal, the spotlight’s on the fairer sex. But just how far have women come and are there a few who are inaccurately representing the collective contemporary woman? Here are two examples that have jaws dropping today. You be the judge.

I can’t resist going into the whole Sister Wives brouhaha. I have to say, I am absolutely fascinated by these women. At first, there was this powerful sense of unity in the TLC family that consists of a husband, four wives and 16 children (soon to be 17). My thought then was, “live and let live”. And, too, honestly, I didn’t understand why the authorities were so interested in investigating the family. After all, Kody Brown didn’t legally marry wives number 2, 3 and 4, so he wasn’t committing bigamy, at least in a legal sense. The family wasn’t then or now relying on the government to stock its food shelves and the adults had a working solution for earning money for the family. I think all but one of the wives had impressive careers. Their dynamics worked, at least on the surface. Granted, I think the fourth wife, Robyn, is a whining brat, but eh, who am I to say?

The new episodes have been sporadic and last night, they opened their lives again for us voyeuristic beings to catch a glimpse at how their lives work. They now have four separate households, each wife in one home with the children she gave birth to. They recently relocated to Las Vegas and it’s clear the burden is heavy for the family as a whole. These women are tired. I can’t help but sense a bit of resentment towards the shared husband over his newest wife who I’m sure the three wives feel they’re babysitting at times. Still, there’s no denying their individual and collective determination to make their lives work. It’s an interesting psychological study, no doubt. Love them or hate them, you have to admit, they are incredible mothers. Bottom line, I still say, “live and let live”. They’re either incredibly brilliant or sorely lacking in self-confidence. Somehow, though, I don’t think the first three wives are short any confidence. That fourth one? Lord, that woman gets on my nerves. Oh, and now she’s pregnant. Ugh!

OK, so if the sister wives don’t have your blood boiling, I’m sure this next gem will. What happens when you combine Muslim women, polygamy and no self-esteem? Why, you get a group of women who believe:

• “hooker sex” keeps a husband faithful
• it’s the woman’s role to ensure her husband does not beat her
• obedience is the foundation of a satisfied husband
• God agrees

Men who have wives in this culture who are “as good as or better than a prostitute in bed” have no reason to stray, at least, according to the women in this group. A spicy sex life ensures domestic violence never enters the marriage, they say. I’m amazed. I am amazed that these women believe first, that it’s up to them to ensure their husbands don’t beat them and more importantly, that they believe the better they are in bed, the more certain they are that a husband won’t cheat.

Don’t get me wrong – I absolutely believe a good marriage includes some (a “healthy” some, mind you) of what this group insists, but I vehemently disagree with the declarations that they can turn a cheating husband into one who’s loyal and loving. If he’s violent, no amount of sex or passive behaviors will change that. If he’s cheating, odds are, he will continue to cheat. All of these shortcomings and illegal activities (domestic violence is crime) are coming from within him and have nothing to do with how docile his wife is. Throw in polygamy and the problems increase tenfold. These women are in deep denial and the tragedy is that it’s all they know. The odds of them changing their lives is virtually nil. One tends to stay with the devil she’s most familiar with.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just feeling jaded today. Between Anthony Weiner’s press conference and at least a dozen more stories in the headlines, I think maybe I need a nap.

 

The Top 10 Moments of 2010 That Left Us Speechless

I really thought I’d have a hard time coming up with ten moments over the past year that resulted in a collective sigh and conversations that began with, “What were they thinking?” Not so. In fact, it was tough to narrow it down to only ten. Using my own shock meter, coupled with how much press any one story got, I finally whittled it down. Take a look and let’s see how your list of unbelievable moments stack up against mine.

10. What’s in a Name? Not Originality – I know the trends dictate which baby names will rise to the top – really, I get it. You can sometimes make an accurate guess as to when anyone was born if they had a mom who loved Britney Spears or Shania Twain. Who am I kidding; I don’t get it. Eh, it is what it is, though. This year, the names – and applicable television shows or movies – that are defining the most recent trends include Quinn (Glee), Betty (Mad Men), Bristol (Dancing With the Stars) and Aiden (Sex in the City?). OK…so this one’s not exactly mind-boggling, but it definitely rates an eye roll and a place on the list.

9. Dance the Night Away – or at Least the Season – Bristol Palin made it to the finals on ABC’s Dancing With the Stars. A sweet young woman, no doubt, but she beat out the far-better dancer, Brandy. But wasn’t it a phenomenal time for Jennifer Grey?

8. Four Wives & a Husband – Who could forget Kody Brown and his four wives? My mind is still grappling with that one. I’ve always said, though, these women are either brilliant or incredibly unaware. Still, the TLC reality show, Sister Wives, attempted a realistic look into both the home and lives of this non-traditional family. Besides, let’s face it, he really is a bit annoying. My guess is that he’d be divorced if any one woman had to tolerate him for too long.

7. No Woman Has This Tiger by the Tail – How many mistresses of Tiger Woods were we forced to endure this year? I lost track at 768. Woods is proof that if “Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”. He’s ringing in the new year hopefully with a few resolutions that he can manage without the assistance of the opposite sex.

6. You’re Making Me Ill! President Barack Obama signs the Health Care Overhaul Bill, making it law. Several states promise to sue, saying it’s illegal and/or unrealistic. Its official name is the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. I have another name for it…but I’m too ladylike to say it.

5. Lean Meat – The disaster that is Lady Ga Ga had a point to make at this year’s MTV Video Music Awards. The only problem is, no one can quite quantify what that point might be. When the singer accepted her Video of the Year Award in front of millions, it was the gasp heard around the world.

4. I Spy -Ten people, scattered across northern Virginia, Yonkers and Boston, were arrested by the federal government and accused of being a part of a Russian espionage ring. They were living under assumed names and were in “deep cover” with hopes of penetrating America’s “policy making circles”. They were deported back to their motherland of Russia this summer.

3. Restored Faith – For those of us who watched every moment of the rescue efforts of 33 Chilean miners knows that sense of holding your breath. Not a single life was lost and this was certainly the “feel good story” of 2010. Of course, I imagine it was a bit difficult for some of these men who exited the greedy cave with both a wife and mistress waiting anxiously.

2. Wiki What? Following the July 2010 release of the 90,000+ pages of confidential information, approved by Wiki Leaks founder Julian Assange, yet another 400,000 cables on the Iraqi War are released. The Pentagon calls this the “largest leak of classified documents in U.S. history”.

And to no one’s surprise, the biggest shocker of the year has to do with a foreign oil company, controversy and of course, oil:

1. Up from the Ground Came a Bubblin’ Crude – Well, maybe not the ground, but the ocean floor anyway. The BP Horizon explosion took the lives of eleven men and annihilated the Gulf of Mexico. The economy in several gulf states has yet to recover, especially since the economy as a whole has struggled for several years. The long term effects are simply not known.

And there it is – with stories like these, it’s going to be challenging to top 2010. As with all things, though, time will tell…

Here’s to a year that had it all and a new year that renews our hope and faith.

 

A Dose of Reality for Reality TV

Four Wives and a Husband (Credit: TLC)

Anyone catch the series premiere of “Sister Wives” last Sunday?  I had it set to record from the moment I heard about it.  I’m absolutely fascinated with the mindset of those who live this way – especially the women. There are many who believe they are living with a severe detachment of reality, I’m not so sure though.

It comes as no surprise, then, when I learned that the TLC program has now prompted a bigamy investigation by Utah authorities.  I wasn’t sure what kind of charges could be brought against the family, led by Kody Brown, who, when the show begins, has three wives but will marry another during the progression of the season.  I use the terms “wives” and “marry”, but the fact is, he is only legally married to his first wife and has not attempted to obtain a legal marriage certificate with the other women.  This of course begs the question, “where’s the crime?”  Turns out, Utah makes it illegal to cohabitate with anyone other than your legal spouse who serves in the same role as that spouse.  Read: plural wives, same household, children with all of them.  It’s being compared to the 2001 bigamy case against Tom Green, also of Utah and also married to five women.  The difference, however, is he was charged with child rape and spent six years in prison.  There’s been no reason, even a miniscule one, to believe Brown is a child molester. Not only does he work, but his  wives do as well.  One is a psychologist.

This is interesting for me, much as I’m fascinated by the mindset of women who become a part of biker gangs with the knowledge they lose their “human” status and instead become property of the biker club.  And no, I’m not suggesting it’s that way in every biker club, but there are those violent groups who do live life by different rules.

Sister Wives

So what is it about these women that their minds and souls can make such sacrifices? Is it a case of being raised in polygamous households and then choosing the evil they’re most familiar with?  That has to play a significant role since the cycle continues and the mothers, though they might not encourage it the way they did in years past, don’t discourage it either.  For them, it’s as natural as the traditional marriages many of us know.

For now, the show is still airing on Sundays at 9 p.m. central time on TLC.  See a clip of the now four wives and their shared husband here.