I Tried, I Swear I Did

Y’all, I tried my best – honestly, I did. There’s no way I’m going to be able to not say something about the season premiere of Toddlers & Tiaras. I managed to wait until mid-season for my post last year, but TLC has outdone itself this season – the two little girls hit the floor running. Alright – before anyone emails me and tells me to bite my tongue, first – that’s never going to happen and second, I promise this isn’t about these little girls. It’s their hokey mothers! Granted, the little girls are rapidly approaching the obnoxious zone with their behavior, but it’s absolutely not their faults – I get that. What we have here, folks, is a psychological study in warped maternal instincts. Both of these women are doing their daughters HUGE disservices. They’re in no way equipped for a less-than-kind world because the lines between mother and child are seriously blurred. And as I pointed out last year, these women might be ooohing and ahhhing over their little girls, but when they grow up to be obnoxious women, no one is going to put up with it. Not an employer, not a husband and not the world in general.

OK…so remember when we were kids? If you were raised in the south, there was an unspoken rule that whichever mom was in the closest vicinity of a misbehaving child got the honor of threatening a switch across the legs. Worked like a charm, no doubt. The worst part was when we were told to go pick our own switch. Definitely not the kind of dilemma a kid wants to find himself facing. Just the threat of a spanking was enough of a deterrent. That’s not something these mothers have ever said. My guess? Their daughters scare them. Hell, they scare me – and I don’t scare easy. Back-talking my mom (or any other adult, for that matter) under my breath when I was 6 and then realizing she heard it? That scared me, too.

What’s so sad is both of the little girls in tonight’s episode, Makenzie and Eden, are adorable. They’re just more demanding and frustrating than a Mississippi mosquito. And they’re well spoken; then again, I guess they have to be so they can disrespect their mothers and make their unbelievable comments with a clear voice and colorful vocabulary.

Oh Lord….one little girl just said “I can wear this to church”. She has more makeup on than Boy George and more rhinestones than Liberace. Unfortunately, neither of these girls took home the big prize – and all hell broke loose as each unleashed her anger on her respective mother.

But aren’t you loving those kids on My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding? Oooh….I wonder what would happen if TLC put these little pageant queens in the middle of a traveler family? Yeah…..there’s a ratings dream come true!


2 thoughts on “I Tried, I Swear I Did

  1. This post alone almost makes me want to call Comcast and get a cable package!
    I’d say these kids-when they grow up-should be our first defense during a Zombie Apocalypse!

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